keepin' it classy

wow , had no idea somebody was actually reading this blog. so, i hadn't written any post for like three months now. but yesterday i just felt like writing something. so, today i thought for curiosity to check if anyone actually reads it, and woah.. so many pageviews .. well thats awcward . writing kind of to myself , and still there are people who are interested in my doings . maybe should write more oftten .

so yeah. still spending my days at home .. doing nothing . kinda feel abandoned . but i don't complain . i have so much time just to think things through to myself . i've kinda made a imaginary contract with myself. all the do-s and not to do-s , what i want to accomplish , where i'd like to reach in my life. it's actually a really big effort for me, but like they say per aspera ad astra. i'm such a mess right now, and i know, if i actually want to get anything done, it's not going to be easy for me. i'm aware that i've made my targets so damn high, and it really frightens me, to be honest. i have no idea how long will it take, to get everything in line again. but i promisse myself i wont give up no more. the hardest part is proabably that i'll have to face it all alone.. because to be honest, i have no-one left. but i wont give up. i can't. from now on, there is only one way, and it's up.

i'm pretty tangled, 'cause i just have no idea what i want. well actually it's so obvious, but i seem to inform my self it's too damn high destination for me, and thats why i kinda pick the lower, rotten options. i try so hard to get out from that dead circle, but some people just influence to me as distractions, and 'cause of that i seem to divert.

today i guess i'll just make myself a good dinner , tidy my room and watch good movies. nothing special, quality time with myself .. :)